I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
