I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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