Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
