OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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