Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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