she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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