i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
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First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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