Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
