Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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