Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
