how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
