I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
