Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
