hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
