chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
A+ Viking dick
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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