The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
