im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
