If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I looked at my own cervix.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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