1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
