She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
