if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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