no, he came in my armpit
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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