she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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