he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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