I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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