She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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