I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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