My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
wanna go halves on a baby?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
