I'm lost and stupid without you.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
