Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
