i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
