my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize