apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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