I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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