it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
