There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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