I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
