You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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