im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
