i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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