Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
