I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i dont even know how to be here
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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