My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Did I show you my penis last night?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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