I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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