i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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