I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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