Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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