Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
