everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
