arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
