It's just like the Real World with babies
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
