Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
