So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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