So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
