i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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