It's Friday. Sex?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
