i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
