God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
