dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
