so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
