it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
