I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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