We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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