just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
