i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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