1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
