I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
