I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
