Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
